We now come to the end of the sixth chapter of John and Jesus has been making clear these past four weekends that the Eucharist is indeed His flesh and blood, His true and complete presence is real food and real drink. Many of Jesus’ disciples who were listening said, “This saying is hard, who can accept it?” Jesus knew they were murmuring about this and He says, “Does this shock you?” Then He says, “If this shocks you, wait until you hear what St. Paul says about marriage.” Today’s second reading does indeed shock us, “Wives should be subordinate to your husbands as to the Lord.” Our modern ears hear this as offensive or off-putting, as something old and misogynistic from a patriarchal society without bearing for us today. So let’s talk a little about what St. Paul is writing to the Ephesians. First, let’s make sure not to miss the first line, “Brothers and sisters, be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.” The key to understanding St. Paul’s analogy between husband and wife and Christ and the Church begins with a call to mutual subordination to one another out of reverence for Christ. Then he goes into the image of Christ and the Church. St. Paul assigns roles here based on gender, the wife is the Church and the husband is Christ. However, the most important thing is the mutual sacrificial love that is called for by both. You could switch the gender roles and still maintain the point St. Paul is teaching. In fact this could be a good prayer exercise to switch the words wives and husbands, the meaning is the same. Wives be subordinate to your husbands like the Church is subordinate to Christ is followed up with husbands love your wives like Christ loves the Church. That language at first doesn’t hit us in the same way as the controversial word, “subordination” or “submission”, but if we think for a moment of how Christ loved the Church we understand that St. Paul is telling husbands they must die for their wives. Nobody is off the hook here in Holy Matrimony. Both wives and husbands are called to sacrificially love the other. This is the only way this works and is what makes marriage a Sacrament. Now a word from our sponsor: If you would like to learn more about the Sacrament of Marriage and so much more about marriage, this is our theme for our Adult Faith sessions during the Foundations of Faith program coming up. We have a great series of talks and great speakers this year all about celebrating marriage and family and this homily is meant to be a teaser of sorts to encourage not only our families for religious education, but all of us to sign up for a wonderful program that we hope will be educational and inspiring and helpful to those who are married and anyone and everyone to better understand the Church’s teaching on marriage. Now back to our scheduled program already in progress: It is the mutual love of both husband and wife that best represents the love of Christ to His Church. It might be helpful to look at what happens when this mutual love breaks down.
Imagine a Church that instead of loving and submitting to Christ, love itself and thought it was more important than Jesus, that it could do whatever it liked and pursued it’s own power and prestige; ignored the challenging teachings of Sacred Scripture, especially those centered around carrying our crosses and sacrificial service and love for sinners, the sick, and the poor. A Church whose leaders made the faith about them and diminished the equality of the faithful and the universal call to holiness – there have been times where the Church has struggled in this way, but thank God the Holy Spirit, which has always guided our Church from the beginning has blessed us with Saints and inspiration through councils, like the Second Vatican Council, to return to loving Christ and to be subordinate to Christ.
We can also think of awful situations where there is not present mutual love in a marriage. I want to be very clear that no one should feel they have to endure a one sided love – subordination is only possible when the other spouse is willing to die to self and love his or her spouse as themselves, to nurture and care for their loved one like Christ loves the Church. Asking for subordination without giving or receiving selfless love is akin to abuse and is far from the image of marriage St. Paul or the Church is envisioning.
This insistence on mutual love between husband and wife using the example of Christ’s sacrificial love for His spouse, the Church, is what makes this analogy something that would shock the ancient world in the Ephesus more than a proper understand of what St. Paul is saying should shock us. St. Paul is saying that both husband and wife are mutually called to love each other equally, this would cause grumbling among a patriarchal society that had a focus on one-sided love in marriage favoring the husband. They might say, “What kind of crazy new modern teaching is this!” While ironically when we first hear it we might say, “What kind of crazy old fashioned teaching is this!”
This brings us back to the rejection of Jesus in the Gospel. It is the only time recorded in Scripture where many disciples left Him and returned to their former way of life. Notice Jesus doesn’t run after them to say, “wait as second can’t you take a joke.” He doesn’t water down His teaching that He is truly and really giving us His whole self in the Holy Eucharist. Instead he spins round to His Apostles and asks them, “Do you want to leave me as well?” Beyond the graphic language that Jesus is using about the Eucharist, what is it that drives so many disciples away? This is after all not the first time Jesus has said and done challenging things. “Love your enemies” “turn the other cheek”. He has welcomed sinners and tax collectors and embraced lepers. What is it about this teaching on the Eucharist that causes people to leave? To help explain this, let me share a very embarrassing story with you that you must promise not to tell anyone. It is about my first girlfriend in High School. I was smitten and it was an anniversary, not a big one, not even a month – maybe like the third week anniversary or something stupid like that. I went out and got a little locket and even had it engraved to give to her. I could tell right away that something was wrong. It was too big a gift and too soon. She didn’t feel the same way, and the gift made her uncomfortable; she wanted to be friends; it was awkward. We’ve all seen the videos of the guy who makes a public engagement proposal on the jumbotron only to be rejected and the girl running away. The true teaching of the Eucharist is that Jesus Christ loves you so much that He is giving you His whole self. He is dying for you, He loves you that much! To accept this gift of God’s whole self in the Eucharist is to say that you feel the same way, that the feeling is mutual and you shout out YES! Or in this case Amen! It seems many who were following Jesus wanted to keep Him in the friendzone. When He says to them I am holding nothing back, I am head over heels in love with you, and I am giving you everything – my whole self in sacrificial love, it causes some to run away. Why? This type of gift calls forth a mutual love a response of mutual sacrificial love on our part. Now of course our human response to God’s perfect love for us will always fall short, but that doesn’t matter – in the Eucharist God is on bended knee to you and says He wants to be in your live forever, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. Far more than a locket or a ring, He is giving you Himself. It demands a return of mutual love like the one Joshua gives in our first reading, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Or the one Peter gives in the Gospel, “To whom else can we go? We have come to believe and are convinced you are the Holy One of God.” They said yes! The Sacrament of the Eucharist, like the Sacrament of Marriage is about mutual love like the love of Christ to us, the Church, and like the mutual love of husband and wife. It might be a little scary that God loves you so much that He died for you and continues to give Himself fully to you in the Eucharist today in an eternal act of subordination and selfless love, but don’t run away – say yes! When you receive Holy Communion today think of it as an opportunity to renew or perhaps start a mutual loving relationship with Jesus who loves you and gives Himself completely to you.
